myTobago – your questions, review and comment about Tobago

The local beach combers that is!

Now what single woman in her right mind is going to travel to an open beached resort in Tobago?. Well I did have my 14 year old son with me who happens to stand at 6ft 2"! not that, that made a difference.
It was blindingly obvious to these guys that I was a woman on holiday looking for a boyfriend and oh boy did they want me or could it be that they actually wanted a ticket to England!!!

Try as I might, I could not ward of this sudden unwanted fan club. I could of stayed by the pool all day. At least that way I would not have constantly had to utter the words, "actually Im just here to do some mother, son bonding and would you please go away and leave us alone".
I wanted to drag my feet through the sand and snorkle in the sea and I wanted to explore this tropical island unhindered by time limits and schedules.
I've travelled alone many times in my life. I backpacked across south America and hich hiked from Italy to the Caspian sea. Ive done Egypt, India and Africa as well as most of europe. Im not new to the local attention a single white female brings but there is none so pushy as the Tobago man!
Now I know some single women do go over there to find themselves a boyfriend but I was most certainly not one of them.
I made the unforgivable mistake of being friendly. Why? cos Im a friendly sort of person. If someones nice to me then Im nice back but in this case it was confirmation that I was looking!.
I hate, hate, hate being rude to people but when you explain to people that you actually have a partner back home that you love very much and they still come on to you then you quickly leanr the art of being rude!

Hi Janet

I know I shouldn't have, but your post really did give me a good laugh.

Yes, I confess that this is a BIG problem in Tobago. We're stepping into a sensitive area, so I must consider my words rather than launch into my normal heart-before-brain response.

I am not convinced that it is as simple as "Tobago men". Its a bit of a chicken and egg situation to be frank. Because Tobago has always been such a safe and friendly island (OK, so things have deteriorated a little of late) and the local guys so open, friendly and appreciative of female company, there is no question that Tobago has long attracted women looking for holiday romance. Some local guys have made an extremely good living at it and continue to do so. In fact I can think of a couple of businesses on the island where the guy has been financed by one or more lady visitors - a popular restaurant immediately springs to mind. Anyway, that's all beside the point.

So, somewhat sadly, there is a natural expectation amongst local guys that any single lady is on the pull. I hasten to add that does not place you in any particular danger, except and unless you go off somewhere with a guy and then do anything that 'puts him down' or insults him. Pride is everything to these guys. Their approaches will invariably be highly good natured and even when you stress that you're not interested, they're invariably happy to stay and chat.

My wife, Jill, has a major problem with this. Because I'm always stuck in our rooms bashing the keyboard and she's such a beach-babe, she's invariably on her own. She says she's quite looking forward to getting her bus pass in a couple of years and will stick it on a pole behind where she's lying on the beach. She's naturally friendly and chatty, like you - the sort of girl that takes half an hour to say hello or goodbye. The lads so often take it as a come-on and she get's awfully upset at having to be rude to get rid of them. I can't understand why, but she got awfully upset when I suggested that she go down to the beach without all the slap on.

Darn, if I had known this I would of joined Jill and maybe she could of given me a few tips!

I never felt endangered by these guys for a minute. I actually explained to one of them (that kept calling me 'baby girl!) that if he stopped trying so hard with the women, he might find one that actually liked him.
what I did find, however, was the cooler you are, the more they want you!

I think half the problem is that they think English women are very wealthy and that the streets of London are paved with gold. If only they knew that they have more wealth than we will ever have.

Hi Janet,

Pardon me for asking but which hotel are you referring to? Just interested!

Jo

I was staying at the Rex resort but this did not just happen on my local beach.

Sad to say, Jill is the last person to get tips from. It would probably have been the other way around. She simply can't reign in her friendly and chatty nature and never appreciates what she's getting into until too late.

I don't know what the "going rate" is, so to speak, but lyming comes natural to these lads. The sort of 'present' that a lady is going to leave them as a token of her appreciation may be nothing by European/North American levels, but will probably be far more than those lads could have earned doing normal work during those couple of weeks - and that's not counting all the free drinks, meals and ciggies. As one lad once said to me, "you jus need good imagination".

Don't worry Jo - you won't miss out if you're staying somewhere else. You'll find them on almost every beach.

Sorry - I couldn't resist that. Hope you take it in the spirit in which it was intended.

Hi Janet,

I too have just returned from the Rex (my third visit there in 2 years - going back again in November!)

I know what you mean and on my first vist being 'very British' and quite reserved I did find all of the male attention somewhat concerning. I have to say that making good friends with some of the locals on the beach (so good that one of them is due to arrive to stay with us in the next fortnight....) it took me some time to realise that they mean no harm, and I found it very flattering to be honest. I found it hard to trust people but I have had the time of my life with one particular local (and yes I am married and no he never, ever implied anything improper) who has taught me more about the flora and fauna on the island than anyone else you could pay to take you around, and he expected nothing in return. You have to think that Tobago is new to tourism and the locals are naturally very friendly.

He and several of his friends took my 2 teenage kids fresh from the uk (no I hadnt the stamina to go with them) on several late night visits to Sunday School, while I lay awake in bed worrying if they would be ok, and I neednt of worried at all.

Just enjoy the banter!

You mean these women buy them meals and stuff? geez I can't believe it!
Well nobody did too well out of me then.

When I said, richer than we will ever be, I meant in the beauty of the land they live in. I appreciate that life for many of them is hard and that a lot live a hand to mouth existance. You can't blame them for trying and to be honest I didnt want them to waste a whole week getting nothing off me.

Hi Steve,

No problem,

Ive booked a villa this time near the Rex and 2 of them are staying with us!!!!......now, I know your mind might be wondering why we are so mad to do this......

but they are 2 of the best friends we have ever made.....


Jo

Hi Janet

Don't worry, I knew exactly what you meant. Also, don't worry about them getting "nothing from you". I suspect they got a lot more than you realised. I'm just being a little naughty and stirring things up a bit. Whilst everything I say above is true, it represents a very small part of total tourism activity. The bottom line is that the very thing we all love about Tobago is the friendliness of the people and what we're alluding to above is just one small aspect of it. Like I say, you'll invariably find those lads/men will stay and chat even after you've made it totally clear that you're not in the market (if any mention is necessary). Most beach traders are just the same. Even after you've said no every day for the past week, they'll still stop and pass the time of day with you.

Jo - you don't need to convince me. That's why I keep on going back, and back, and back......

Jo Hughes wrote: it took me some time to realise that they mean no harm, and I found it very flattering to be honest.

Just enjoy the banter!

Jo, I agree that its great to meet new friends so long as they dont have another agenda.
I met two people in Tobago that I will be keeping in touch with. One was an English guy that only lives up the road from me and the other was a local 25 year old guy that wrote some excellent music and lyrics. I have contacts at a recording studio in London and I am going to try and help get this guy some work.
When one guy leaned over and tried to plant a heavy kiss on my lips, Im sure he meant no harm but to be honest I did not find it flattering, just annoying. When another guy gave me a back massage on the beach, something I hasten to add I had paid for, and then tried to dip his hand down my bikini bottoms, I did not find that harmless nor flattering.

When I approached the dreaded Tony, who had blackmailed us into giving him money, to tell him what I thought of him, part of his conversation was to inform me that English women go to Tobago for one thing and that one thing begins with S and ends with X.
Much as it would be nice to paint this pretty picture that all these beech combers are just hanging around to make friends I feel it is only right to warn other single females of what can and does happen.

and I will be going back too. The sooner the better. Im not going to let a silly thing like that put me off!

oops!

Hi Janet,

Yes, I agree the more feint hearted need to be aware of approaches by some of the Tobago guys, I might have been just lucky to be friends with honest ones. I did get approached many times for massages but refused...aint my kind of thing... but you know one of the guys who the first 2 years I was very wary of turned out to be ok, and yes he did marry an English lady and he thinks the world of her!

The thing that drives me mad is the tour guys on the beach, they know me now so dont bother me any more, but I used to pretend to be asleep on my sun lounger and hope they would go away!

They have a living to make like any one else I suppose. The only other hassle I had was last year with an older local who was on cocaine who was a pest, but the security guy and my local friends got rid of him. To be honest, I have NEVER felt threatened in Tobago and can walk around most places with my 14 year old blonde daughter with no problems at all.
Some of the posts on the site could put people off Tobago, but compared to other places in the world it must be a safe bet as most folk on Tobago know each other so crime is spotted and the threat is from Trinidad people who visit the island.

Im certainly not faint hearted. I run one of the big night clubs in London and am used to unwanted attention as well as constantly having to deal with crack heads!.
We have constant reviews written about our club and often warnings such as high bar prices, not leaving your bag unattended, keeping your drink with you at all times in case it gets spiked are written within those reviews. I would love to paint 100% rosy picture but what would be the point in that if it left someone at risk. We all have to take the good with the bad. Nothing is perfect, at least not for everyone. If I see a perfect review of a place I immediately assume that its an insider writting it!.

I don't want to put people off Tobago. Since I got back I've been telling everyone that they have to do this tropical paradise once in a lifetime. I don't think its so much putting people off as warning people, especially single women who are not looking for a boyfriend, of what they can expect. It's not a dangerous thing so much as annoying. Perhaps it wont happen to them but if it does, then at least they are prepared.
We were warned by some of the locals about certain characters on the beach and I was thankful that they cared enough to warn us.
We had no problem with the official tour guides. They were so good to us when we were robbed and one of them even gave us a free tour. They showed nothing but concern for what happened.

Hi All,

I've just read this (ongoing!) conversation, and just wanted to add my 'two-penn'th' (as my mother would say!).

It's great to see you both so philosophical about it. Janet, fair play to you for rebounding and being resilient enough not to let it spoil your holiday. And Jo, you seem to have your head well and truly screwed on, so I'm glad you're coming back! Visitors to the island like the both of you, who aren't afraid to have fun, but are 'savvy' enough not to fall for every line, are the kind of people that we love!

Tobago isn't far short of paradise, but of course there ARE a few out there who'll try to take advantage. Fortunately here, they're relatively few and far between! I'm really glad you both enjoyed your holidays. I hope to see you 'round!

Best regards,
Lisa

Why is it you girls always get chatted up!?No beautiful Tobogonian lady ever accosts me on the beach........or any where else
David

Dear Jo, The two friendly locals you met wouldnt happen to Darren and Engine would they ? They are friends of me and my son who regularly visit turtle beach.
Bless-up,
Deborah x

Hi Deborah,

Engine and Darren have been friends of my family for some time now, Darren is in fact my daughter's boyfriend and he is staying with us shortly and coming to us for Christmas.They talk on the phone twice daily(darent look at my BT account) I shall be over in Tobago with them all again soon.....cant wait