Well me hearties, the house is still standing and I've almost caught up with the washing, so permit me to tell you about my voyage down Ye Olde Canal, through glorious Berkshire ( pronounced BARKSHEER Bill!)
It may surprise you to know that spending six days on an English canal in the latter part of October bears absolutely no resemblence to a jaunt to Tobago.
For one thing, it's a bit on the chilly side, in fact my feet are still blue.( Unlike the canal, which was green on a good day, sludge grey on a bad day.) The first three nights were frosty, and I was really pleased with myself for bringing my warmest pyjamas; red with tartan trim, and a scotty dog motif on the pocket, plus the dressing gown, of course.
One thing about frosty weather, you do get lovely blue skies and sunshine during the day, and to be fair to my own country, the scenery was very pretty. Not breathtaking ,but pretty, very English. When not running around (not easy, on a small boat) providing sustenance for the crew ( hubby and friend, who was our skipper) I spent my time lounging about on the "deck", waving to the locals like Cleopatra coming down the Nile on her barge. There was a slight difference between me and Cleo; she was reputed to have been a Great Beauty, and I doubt that she ever stepped outside wearing a man's vest ( for the length, to keep her back warm) tights AND socks, trousers, T shirt, long sleeve shirt, huge woolly cardi, fleece, gloves, but no hat.( though I did take one; woolly of course).I resembled Humpty Dumpty rather than Cleopatra. Mind you, I usually do, being short, top -heavy and short in the leg.
Ours was a (very) Narrowboat; seven feet wide to be precise, with a rather worrying list to port, which I swear got worse as we went along. I know all the nautical terms: port, starboard, rudder, helm, fore, aft, bow, stern, galley, brig, gangplank, look out! pirates!
The men had proper beds in a proper cabin, but myself and Daughter had to share in the galley, living area.This is what you do; there is a long sofa, couch, settee, whatever you call it and a long table. During the day you eat at the table and sit on the sofa, couch etc, but at night, and here's the clever bit; you take the legs off the table, replace them with shorter legs, put a mattress on top and behold! there is your bed. I've never slept on a table, or under one, though I don't know if any of you have..
It was a bit cramped, but not too bad, apart from that list to port.
Because I needed something to keep me quiet, I noted the names of some of the other boats. The privately owned ones had names like "Dancing Bunny", "Lotus Eater", "Pendragon", " Chough of Kernow","Autumn Sunset","Thomas the Gardener", "Insayne Jayne" (like that one!) Ours was the practical but boring "Cadley Lock", from the Reading Marine Company ( that's pronounced REDDING Bill!)
There is some vital advice I must give you;
Toilets. I am like my mother. Whenever I arrive at any holiday accommodation the first thing I do is inspect the Water Closet. When on a boat, it is particularly important to know how the Neccesarium works, after all, there is no where else to go( if you see what I mean)These are The Rules:
"Only put that which has been eaten and drank down the toilet ( fair enough ).
During the early part of your hire you may find a tendency for solids to build up in the tank under the toilet bowl. However as the liquid level builds up,the sloping floor of the tank combined with the movement of the boat will soon wash these solids to the rear of the tank, out of view."(ew!)
What they don't tell you is, if your boat lists to port, you must ensure the door is securely bolted or it will fly open, usually at the most awkward moment and when there are crowds of people on the bank taking photos of your boat.
I'm sorry I must have a break now. Do you realise I've spent an hour on this post? Mainly because I make so many mistakes and have to re-type everything!
Back soon me hearties!
complete with lights. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but isn't today the 31st of October? Is Christmas in November now then?
