Some Humour

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Paul Tallet
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Some Humour

Post by Paul Tallet »

A Boeing 747 departs from Gatwick Airport, London and is scheduled to land in Tobago in approximately 9 hours shortly after a brief stop off in Grenada for fuel.

A stunning blonde in the Economy Class section gets up and walks to the First Class Section of the Plane.

She notices that there are a few empty seats and sits in one next to a window, stretches her legs and makes herself comfortable and stares defiantly at the Flight Attendant who is watching her do this.

The Flight Attendant approaches the Blonde and asks to check her ticket.

The Blonde is informed that she paid for Economy Class and that she must return to that section.

The Blonde seems quite taken aback and scowls at the Flight Attendant, saying “I am Blonde. I am beautiful. I am going to Tobago and I am staying right here!”

The Flight Attendant goes to the Cockpit and informs the Pilot and Co-Pilot that there is a Blonde sitting in the First Class section with an Economy ticket and that she is refusing to go back to the Economy section.

The Co-Pilot approaches the Blonde and tries to explain that as she only has an Economy ticket that she should return to her seat in the Economy section.

The Blonde replies, “Can’t you see that I am Blonde and very beautiful … I am going to Tobago and I am staying right here!”

The Co-Pilot goes back to the Cockpit and shares his experience with the Pilot, explaining that the Blonde will not listen to reason, that this is very unfair on the passengers that have paid extra money for their First Class seats … perhaps they should arrange for the Police to arrest the Blonde when they arrive in Tobago?

The Pilot replies, “You say that she is Blonde? I will handle this, I’m married to a Blonde. I speak Blonde!”

The Pilot approaches the stubborn Blonde and whispers in her ear.

The Blonde seemed quite shocked and says, “Oh I am so sorry!” and rushes back to her seat in the Economy section.

The Flight Attendant and the Co-Pilot, who have been watching this are transfixed in amazement and ask the Pilot how he managed to get the Blonde back to her Economy seat without any fuss?

The Pilot smiled knowingly and said, “I told her that First Class isn’t going to Tobago !!”

_____________________________________________________________

Regards :lol:
Paul Tallet
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Steve Fifield

Post by Steve Fifield »

Tee Hee. Non PC. Love it :)

Steve.
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Post by David Watkins »

Superb Paul,I love it!That's worth aCarib!!
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Paul Tallet
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The Blonde in Tobago

Post by Paul Tallet »

Having endured the long flight in Economy Class, the stunning Blonde duly arrived in Tobago.

During her first evening she met up with a Brunette and a Redhead … the three of them drank together and became instant friends.

The next morning the 3 of them were sitting on Sandy Beach just next to Crown Point Airport … They could clearly see Tobago’s sister Island, Trinidad, in the distance.

The Brunette looked over the water to Trinidad and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to Trinidad." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from Tobago and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The Redhead said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to Trinidad to join up with my mate." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

So the Blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it to Trinidad? I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from Tobago … one mile off the coast of Trinidad … the shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"

… So she swam back to Tobago.

_____________________________________________________________

Regards :lol:
Paul Tallet
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Steve Pitts
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Post by Steve Pitts »

Hi Paul

I take it your wife isn't a blonde, or do you like living dangerously???

Good joke

Steve
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Post by Paul Tallet »

She is Steve ... she is also a strong swimmer !!

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Post by David Watkins »

Oh Paul!!!!! when is episode three??????
I think I met these girls last year!
David(About 150HOURS to go!)
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Post by Paul Tallet »

Having lost her mates at sea, the Blonde was lonely ... not even David Watkins was there to keep her company !!

She was also very hungry after her long swim and walked around Crown Point to see if she could find a decent restaurant.

She found Pizza Boys on Store Bay Road and ordered herself the largest Pizza possible.

The assistant asked her if she wanted the Pizza cut into 6 pieces or 12 pieces.

The blonde thought for a moment and said, “No thanks, I don’t think I could eat 12 pieces”.


Regards :lol:
Paul Tallet
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C Phillips

Post by C Phillips »

:lol: :lol:
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Post by Jane H »

When the Blonde was finally flying back from Tobago to the UK, fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."

The Blonde turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

Regards :lol:
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Paul Tallet
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Post by Paul Tallet »

Too true Jane … too true !! ... Nice one :lol:


But, before we get too far ahead of ourselves I think we must not overlook the fact that ... Shortly before her flight home, the Blonde spent a few days at the Blue Waters Inn in Speyside.

She had a wonderful time, sunning herself in Batteau Bay and snorkelling in the beautiful emerald waters of the Bay.

During the course of her brief stay, she met lots of hunky Blonde chaps and, accordingly, they all got on very well.

One evening the Blonde and her hunky Blonde chaps were sitting in the Shipwreck Bar enjoying a few of the succulent Rum Punches from the varied and imaginative Cocktail Menu when a blind tourist turned up at the Bar … apparently he had already had a few too Rum Punches already.

The blind chap shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bartender looks around and then says, in a hushed voice, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

“And what’s that?” slurred the blind chap.

“Well”, said the bar tender, “I am married to a Blonde who is a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to you is 6'2", blonde and weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The Blonde fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. And then you have 3 huge Blonde chaps sitting at a table just behind you with a very pretty Blonde who can swim vast distances … “

The Blind man’s gaping smile turned into a grimace as he took all this in.

… “Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" asked the bartender.

The blind chap says, "On second thoughts I think I will give it a miss … I don’t want to have to explain it five times."

Boom Boom !!

Regards :lol:
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Post by Jane H »

Before meeting "The Blonde", one of the blonde guys was on the long trip from Charlotteville to Scarborough with 2 of his darker haired buddies. Many miles from civilization (well - somewhere near Roxborough actually) their car broke down. Trying to figure out what to do, they stepped out of the car and opened the bonnet.

"Well, " said the first guy, "there's nothing we can do to fix this car here. We're going to have to walk to the nearest town. I suggest we all carry one thing with us. I carry the cooler full of drinks in case we get thirsty."

"Good idea," said the second guy. "I'll bring the basket full of food in case we get hungry."

The third guy, the blond, went to the car door and started to take it off its hinges. "What are you doing?" asked the other two.

"Oh, I thought I'd bring the car door with us," said the blonde. "If it gets too hot, I'll just roll down the window."

Enough said!! :roll:
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Post by Paul Tallet »

:lol:

Well, whilst the chaps were having fun with their car, or what was left of it, the stunning Blonde was driving back from Speyside to Crown Point in her car.

She had a great time in Speyside but she could not help feeling a little annoyed that she was being picked on just because she was Blonde.

So … before she left she dyed her hair to try and look more like a Brunette … “there”, she said as she examined her new look in the mirror, “Nobody is going to ridicule me anymore”.

Anyway, as she was driving to Speyside she slowed as a local Tobagonian and his dog herded his flock of sheep along a track to get them into another field.

The farmer greeted her and asked her if she was having a good time in Tobago.

“Oh yes”, she said, “but I really like your sheep, they are so adorable … if I can guess how many sheep you have would you let me have one of them?”

The farmer was taken aback by this but, being a gambling man, he said “OK … why not?”.

To his surprise, she guessed the right number of sheep … 37 … he had to concede and invited her to choose the sheep she wanted.

When she returned to her car with her prize the farmer caught up with her and said …

"If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

Nuff said?

Regards :lol:
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Post by Jane H »

Another young brunette goes into the local clinic in Scarborough and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "That is highly unlikely," says the doctor.

"Please, show me," So she takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. Then she pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so on and so forth.

Finally the doctor looks at her and says, "You're not really a brunette are you? You're really a blonde, right?"

She looks surprised and says, "Yes, Doctor!!" "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Regards :D :D
Annabelle Oconnell

Post by Annabelle Oconnell »

Hahahaha

that last one is great :lol:

it's a blonde joke-athon
C Phillips

Post by C Phillips »

Most definitely is Annabelle! Keep it coming folks, keep it coming :lol:
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Post by Jane H »

The following is a true story overheard at the coffee machine in an office somewhere in the North of England.

Two of the office juniors were standing chatting waiting for their coffees to be dispensed. One was the typical English rose - blonde hair, pale skin. The other was also blonde (?) and had a really deep sun-tan. The conversation went as follows (read this phonetically) :-

No 1 :- You've go' a fabulous tan, when d'dju get back?

No 2 :- Free o'clock this mornin'.

No 1 :- Oooh! you must be absolutely knackered then.

No 2 :- Yeah!

No 1 :- Did you 'ave a grite time?

No 2 :- Yeah!

No 1 :- Where did you say you went?

No 2 :- Me 'n Dive went to I-beef-er.

No 1 :- Ooooh! 'Ow luverly!

No 2 :- Yeah!

No 1 :- I-beef-er's in Spine innit?

No 2 :- I dunno. We flew there from Newcastle Airport!!

I rest my case! :roll: :roll: :roll:
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Post by Paul Tallet »

The stunning blonde moved on and settled for a few days near Scarborough.

She went out one night and met another stunning Blonde and the two of them got along just fine.

It started raining, so the two blondes walked into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

Anyway, ‘the other’ stunning Blonde was very badly injured and so she was admitted to Scarborough Hospital for emergency surgery.

She came round after the operation and panicked …. she shouted, "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

The Stunning Blonde was really upset about the incident so she disappeared for a few days. She was discovered a few days later sitting by the roadside in the rainforest, , dazed, confused and very upset, with a gun and a very badly bruised finger.

On admission to the very same Scarborough Hospital she was asked how she has bruised her finger … the police were also waiting outside for an explanation about the gun.

The poor Blonde burst into tears and told the Doctor how upset she was about her friend … so she decided she would end her life and went into the rainforest with a gun to shoot herself.

The Doctor asked … “did you shoot your finger?”

“Well, no”, said the Blonde, “I shot myself in the left ear … I thought that was the best way … but, I don’t like loud noises so I put my finger in my right ear so I didn’t hear the bang”.


Regards :lol:
Paul Tallet
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Post by Steve Wooler »

I'm keeping quite in this thread. I'm married to a blonde. Worse still, she's from Essex.
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Post by Jane H »

The two stunning blondes visiting Tobago decide to hire a tandem bike to go sightseeing.

All goes well as they happily pedal round the flatlands in the south of the island, so, gaining in confidence, they decide to set off for the north. Panting and perspiring, the two blondes at last get to the top of a really steep hill.

"That was a steep climb," said the first blonde.

"It certainly was", replied the second. "It's a good thing we kept the brake on so we didn't slide down backwards".

Regards :D
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